


Crocodile's Secret

by LetoaSai



Category: One Piece
Genre: Emotional Crocodile, F/M, Genderswap, Mental Breakdown, Past Relationship(s), Past Revealed, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Postpartum Depression, Revolutionaries, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15493983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetoaSai/pseuds/LetoaSai
Summary: Crocodile had secrets and Ivankov had regrets. After so many years, Iva was finally going to right the wrong he'd over looked so many years before and find out just how deep this hurt went.





	Crocodile's Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

I struck fast and unseen, giving him no time to react. He’d known he was being followed, could no doubt feel my gaze on the back of his neck but he wasn’t expecting such a well placed attack, and certainly not one from me. I didn’t mean to hurt him, and that along with the shock of the jab took him by surprise. 

The crowd around us had hardly noticed, and his scream went unheard over the noise of the far too populated city. I grabbed him before he could flee, throwing him over my shoulder as i took us away quickly to some place more private. I could feel his outrage, but he could not break my hold while my own devil fruit ability devastated his body. 

I’d been hunting him down for weeks. 

It just couldn’t be ignored a second longer. That itch. That suspicion. It took hold of me tightly and nagged at me every time i had a quiet moment to myself. No matter how hard i tried or the amount of time that passed, those thoughts remained… 

It had been over two years now but i couldn’t let go of it. I tried telling myself that it wasn’t my business but the more i thought about it, the more it might have been. The thought of being an unknowing player in this all along didn’t sit right with me and i had to know the truth. If i was right, then i was partially responsible. 

“Damn you! Damn you! What have you done you horrible bastard?!” 

“Yes, yes, my darling.” I smiled, some things never changed. “Just a moment more.” 

I was nearly sprinting, the need to be alone mixing with the danger i felt vibrating against my shoulder. He was angry, but that was to be expected. He would get over it in time. I entered the hotel room i had acquired earlier and dropped my prisoner on the bed. I didn’t bother trying to subdue him. The only thing that could have done that were seastone cuffs which i could not touch either, but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t going anywhere. Not without being changed back.

He continued to wither, the effects of my hormone powers settling nicely until the powerful man before had changed fully into a no less deadly woman. She swam in the clothes she had previously been wearing and held the ridiculous coat around her body like a shield from my eyes. She’d flailed only once trying to sit up properly on the bed instead of the heap she’d been dropped in.

“We meet again, my darling Crocodile.” 

Her glare was deadly, staring at me with hate i once never would have imagined. Where was the little girl i used to know? 

“What is the meaning of this!” She hissed. “Why have you done this to me!?” 

She held my gaze, refusing to look down at herself. There was a refusal i hadn’t expected, but it only reinforced my suspicions more. 

“Now, now. It’s not so bad Crocodile darling. I just wanted to have a bit of a chat with you. I thought perhaps after nearly twenty years you might like a little reminder of who you used to be.” 

“That is the last thing i ever wanted, Iva.” Crocodile’s eyes were cold. “I have nothing to say to you. Not to you. Not to Dragon.” 

I took a chair in the room and dragged it closer before taking a seat directly in front of her. “Oh no, darling. Dragon has nothing to do with this. This is between you and me.” 

“I have nothing to say to you.” She repeated. 

I tsked, crossing my legs and smirking when her hostility just seemed to grow. She always had resembled an animal when cornered. 

“Change me back.” she demanded. 

I gave a shrug. “You do make a handsome man, but are you sure this isn’t how you’re truly suppose to be?” 

She bristled, “You didn’t have a problem changing me in the first place!” 

“No,” I nodded sadly. “Which is precisely what i wish to understand. We were friends once.” 

“Sentiment.” Crocodile spat the word as if it offered a particularly bad taste in her mouth. 

“Just so,” I nodded. “You were my sweet, though vicious Crocodile. We were friends. Family. We were on the same side in the life that offered so many wars.” 

Crocodile buried herself in her now far too large coat. She was hiding from me even involuntarily. “Those days are gone. That Crocodile is dead. Dragon killed her.” 

“Did he?” I asked. “Tell Iva.” 

“I have nothing to say to you,” She repeated, looking disappointedly at her hook. It too was slightly smaller than when in her male form. No doubt she was giving serious thought to try and poison me, but i was no use to her dead or unconscious. 

“Oh no?” I raised a questioning brow. “Do you not think i am owed answers. You came to me with a smile and asked me to turn you into a man. I remember what you said word for word. You were curious and wanted to know what it was like. You wanted to explore your sexuality.” I watched her lips press together firmly. “You lied to me, darling.” 

“I hardly needed to lie.” 

“No, but you did. The morning after your glorious transformation you were gone. Disappeared from us completely. You used me, darling. That was terribly unfair.” 

“You’re a revolutionary, and i’m a pirate. Unfair is our repertoire.” 

“Yes, imagine my surprise to find you in a War Lord position. I would have sent a card had i known where you were.” I couldn’t help a little mocking, but she wasn’t amused. 

“Not everything is about you, Iva. Turn me back the way i was and we will forget about this ever happening.” 

I chuckled. “Negotiating with me. You are getting desperate, aren’t you darling? No, we are going to talk.” 

She practically snarled, a small tornado of sand spinning around her. “You fucking old queen, you will turn me back and release me!” 

I heaved a sigh, truly wishing to know what happened to my little Crocodile. She had always been clever and spirited but this despairing stance wasn’t her at all. She’d left the protective arms of the revolution and made a name for herself all alone, but there was such misery in her. I had hoped the chat would have gone more smoothly, but i needed to pull out my trump card a little earlier than planned.  
“Monkey D. Luffy.” 

Crocodile winced, her sands and winds dying in an instant, but her fury did not. 

“Ah,” I sighed again and laced my fingers together. “He’s impressive, no? Leading our escape from Impel Down and raging like a demon through Marine Ford. That is Dragon’s son for you.” 

“Dragon,” She spat the name. “Is a worthless bastard who does not deserve the praise you sheep throw at him.” 

I hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing. After all, this conversation wasn’t about Dragon. “So you think more highly of the strawhat boy?” 

“I do not think of him at all.” She held onto the edge of her coat tightly, knuckles turning white.

“Tell me about him.” 

“You fucking moron. Change me back!” 

“I will not.” 

She made an infuriated noise, running a hand through her hair. Even the scar across her face did nothing to take away from her prettiness. “I don’t want to be a woman, Iva!” she shifted. 

“Oh no? Tell me why.” Her reasons were deep and drenched in panic. Steering the conversation was all too easy. Changing her back into a woman had thrown her off her game. “I understand it was Luffy that knocked you off your pedestal and got you sent to Impel Down in the first place. Interesting that you were so eager to help him.” 

“Eager to escape.” She corrected. “What is the bloody point of this?” 

“So eager you jumped into a fight with Akainu to protect him? You allowed him to escape when he was at his most vulnerable. What was that? A thank you?” 

Crocodile’s face was contorted into rage. “I’ve had enough!” She stood finally, her clothes sagging off her body but she held the large coat firmly. “I don’t care for your games. Dragon has taught you well but not as well as he taught me. I won’t stand for this.” 

There was a moment when i really thought she would storm out, and that wouldn’t do either of us any good. “It’s time for you to admit the truth, darling. You are Monkey D. Luffy’s mother, aren’t you?” 

She jerked back as if i had struck her, her face red and her jaw clenched tightly. 

“Why?” I asked. “Why were you so determined to pretend it never happened that you not only ran away but you changed yourself so fully? Dragon was not even present when you left. Tell Iva.” 

Her fist struck out, slamming into the wall and leaving a sizable hole. “You would never understand!” 

I nodded once. “Let me try.” 

She huffed, her anger only increasing but cracking her resolve to keep quiet. “Dragon is a monster who refuses to acknowledge it! All he has is his cause and nothing else matters. Even when he is dead wrong he’s convinced he’s right. He’s going to get you all killed.” 

“We all know the dangers of our work?” 

“And for what?” She snapped. “He didn’t even save his own country from corruption. He zigzags across the world and never thinks of his actions once they are complete. How many countries has he left destitute and barren after offering them freedom? The control might be distasteful, but at least there is life.” She slammed her hook into the bedside table. “He barely noticed i was pregnant, always so wrapped up in the next mission. Fucking damn it, i couldn’t be around him anymore! I was going to show him what his narrow minded ideals caused! Freedom is beautiful but there will always be an asshole to ruin it! Fuck, i was so close to ruling Alabasta. The Baroque Works was so close to rivaling his stupid armies.” 

“I don’t care.” I waved her words aside. “We are not talking about Dragon, darling. We are talking about Luffy. It is obvious to me he does not know.” 

She made a noise in her throat, rough from the smoking. “I don’t have a thing to do with that kid,” 

I smirked, “By your own admission you were pregnant. I knew it had to be you. It had to be. Given starwhat boys age and the knowledge that he was Dragons. It could only have been you.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Why do you not want him? Why was he not allowed to ever meet his parents?” 

That had been the wrong thing to say when she attempted to bring her hook down across my face. Only quick reflexes saved me then. “I left him with Dragon!” She screamed. “He should have protected him! Raised him, fuck! He had one job and he couldn’t even do that!” She kicked the side of the bed as her tantrum progressed. “I didn’t know! I didn’t know he wasn’t with that asshole! I thought he would at least do right by his son!” 

I dusted myself off and was sure her rage was justified in her mind. Her rage had points in her story changing ever so slightly and it forced me to believe that she didn’t even see the inconsistencies herself. “Now darling, i don’t disagree, but i’m sure Dragon only intended to keep him safe and out of the spotlight. There was no harm meant.” 

“There never is with Dragon.” 

“Luffy is your son too. You could tell him.” 

“No.” 

“Crocodile.” 

She rounded on me swiftly, pain in her eyes she couldn’t hide. “No! I will not! You will not! No one knows except Dragon and you will not tell him!”

“Why?” 

“Because i didn’t need him! You do not get back what you once threw aside! He will stay Dragon’s son as he’s always been. He doesn’t need me.” 

“Mama’s are irreplaceable.” 

She flinched. “That is the last thing i am! I gave up those feelings!”

The words hit me hard, and i felt awful all over again. Nearly twenty years ago when she’d come to me, it wasn’t for exploration, but to erase her life. It was a cry for help and i hadn’t taken the time to notice. In her anger she’d made a hasty decision she could have been talked out of and lost her baby in the process. 

A mother rarely stops being a mother. Crocodile helped get Luffy out of the most secure prison in the world, and evidently held no grudge about him defeating her. She’d fought to keep him safe and alive in the war. She still cared about him.

“I’m sorry.” 

She sneered at the words. “I don’t want or need your pity. Now change me back!” 

“No. Keep talking to me. Tell me how you felt when you saw him again for the first time.” 

“You mean when i tried to kill him?” She snapped, her body beginning to shake. “God, i wanted him dead so bad! Just looking at him reminded me of Dragon. That brat is an idiot on the outside but inside he’s Dragon to the bloody core. I couldn’t even look at him. I hated him. I thought i’d got him too. I impaled him!” Her voice broke, betraying everything. When i merely watched her she continued. “I impaled...i…” Tears started falling and her throat constricted. “I killed...i really thought…” 

“Oh darling…” 

“So infuriating. He ruined e...everything...Just like Dragon. Just like him.” She whispered, scrubbing a her face with one hand in vain. “He was so..so determined and strong.” She hiccuped once and i could tell she hated it by the fist she made. “Damn you, Iva! Turn me back!”

“I think i’m beginning to understand.” I said quietly, not wishing to sound as if i were accusing her of more. “You decided you would become a man. You would dissociate yourself with your son anyway you could. Told yourself you couldn’t be a mama once you were male. Untrue, but i see your train of thought.”

She collapsed back onto the bed, hiding her face. “Damn you. Turn me back.”

“No. I think we both need to understand this situation.” I said, feeling my own heart break along with hers. I could easily recall her butting heads with Dragon, but nothing so hurtful. Even he had been surprised to learn she’d disappeared and as i had never been asked, i never confessed to my part in it. 

Of course, given Crocodile’s reputation it was easy to assume. 

“In Alabasta,” I continued. “It seems you had no trouble seeing him as your enemy. Is that not so?” 

“I don’t want to do this, Iva.” 

I leaned forward in my seat, taking her hand. “Try.” She was clammy and shaky, and i knew this wasn’t a game. She’d always been something of an actress, hiding her real thoughts and feelings came easy to her. It most assuredly helped her adjust to being a man, but there was nothing fake about this. 

She remained silent, struggling with what she wanted to say or not say. I gave her time, sometimes it was all a person really needed. Time and support. I failed to support her before, i would not fail her again. 

“I hated him,” She finally choked. “Showed up with the worst timing to ruin everything, just like his father.” She gripped my hand tight enough i had to wince. “I never saw him as a kid. I looked at him and saw Dragon. I wanted to kill him. I really tried, oh god, Iva…” 

“When did it change?”

“Who said it did!?” she growled back, tears pouring down her face. 

I patted her hand with one of mine, “You’re not fooling anyone, darling. It changed. When?” 

She made that angry noise again, but the tears kept falling. “I don’t know! It just did! I was so pissed, that little fucking nuisance. But he fought and he won and i hated him but i was… I was….” 

“Proud.” I had to smile when Crocodile scoffed. “Yes, i think proud is what you were. Impressed he got you caught. Crumbled everything. Sent you to Impel Down. Frustrated, but pleased. It wasn’t just Dragon’s son that accomplished all that mess. It was yours.” 

“Little bastard,” Crocodile whispered scrubbing at her face again. “I...I saw him.” She swallowed thickly. “I saw him in that prison and couldn’t breathe. He was not going to rot in that place. Getting out was just a bonus.” 

I smirked, “And you damn sure didn’t want me revealing to him just how well i had once known you.” 

“He doesn’t need to know Iva!” Crocodile growled. “I swear, if you tell him-!” 

“Darling! Calm yourself. It is not my decision to make. You have enough to deal with. Finally accepting your maternal feelings is a huge leap.” 

“I do not have maternal feelings! I am a man, Iva!” 

I snorted. “You’re only a man when you want to be, darling. Men can still have maternal feelings. The tears are also a dead give away that there’s more feelings here than you’re willing to admit. The sudden estrogen reintroduced to your system probably also helps with your emotional state. Why are you denying your baby?” 

Crocodile yanked his hand away from mine. “He’s an adult! God, why is this so hard for you to understand!?” 

“Age means nothing to me. Tell him or don’t, that is your choice, but for you to neglect a piece of yourself? Darling i just can’t allow that. I allowed it once and it helped make this mess. You tell me right now Lady Crocodile, what made you leave?”

“No. No i’m done with this. Return me to the way i want to be and leave me alone.” 

“I will not. If you must make me figure it out on my own that i will.” I said, tugging on memories two decades old now. “You came from the East Blue, just like Dragon. I speculate you met on those water before ever entering the grandline.” 

“Shut up.” 

“You were both criminals, but you hid in Dragon’s shadow. Only those ever able to gain on Dragon ever caught the glimpse of a woman by his side.” 

“Enough, Iva!” 

“There were so few around him when he first started causing a ruckus, but i imagine you had a front row seat. You were most likely there through the trial and error days of toppling corrupt kingdoms. I suppose it was somewhere in there the two of you fell in love.” I grabbed her by the wrist before she could take another swipe at me with her hook. It was an emotional reaction, or she would have used her sand. 

“As the revolutionary army grew the two of you remained discreet. I had my hopes of course but no proof. Tell me what went wrong?” 

“You fucking…. You have no idea!” 

“And i wish to.” 

The mental struggle was obvious and this time i refused to release her wrist. Now wasn’t the time to let her back down when she’d come so far opening up. 

“Talk to me, darling. Who better could understand?” 

That mental battle continued but she sagged. “It was a battlefield.” She muttered, voice broken from tears and sounding like she would have rather talked about anything else. Feelings had never been her strong suit. “Wasn’t planned, but i was pregnant and neither of us were the type to back down.” 

“True enough,” 

“Dragon did change plans though. I was pulled back and put on reconnaissance. I sat in cafe’s and gathered information for him. Nothing dangerous, but that didn’t matter when everything began falling apart. Rebellion in the kingdom began butting heads with the royal army that was trying in vain to defend itself from the crime syndicates slowly taking over.” She sniffed back her tears and looked exhausted. 

“That sounds awfully familiar, Lady Crocodile.” 

“Poetic,” She shrugged. “The shit hit the fan and everything came crumbling down. Literally. The royal palace was bombed, the army was split, and i was in hiding. Locked in a cellar by Dragon where i went into labor and gave birth while listening to people being murdered and explosions going off.” 

My own gasp was louder than i intended and when Crocodile shuddered with a sob escaping her i moved. I sat beside her and wrapped my arm tightly around her small form. When she leaned into my embraced i knew just how distraught she was. 

“I didn’t have anything on me but a pistol. A pistol and a newborn when the doors to the cellar were blown open and rebels entered.  
With...with Luffy in my arms screaming i entered the war until Dragon caught up with me. I nearly killed him too. Like i didn’t recognize him. Didn’t know how badly i was bleeding.” 

“You were a new mother, darling. Vicious and merciless.” I spoke softly, understanding the pain she’d gone through on what should have been a beautiful day. “It is why one does not mess with a mother when she is defending her baby.” 

“We had to go,” Crocodile continued as if she hadn’t heard me. “We ejected early to get out of there but i was hysterical. I guess. Dragon took Luffy from me and we fought. We fought…I lost.” She cried, but instead of anger it was sounding more hopeless. It didn’t take much to know she was lost reliving that day. 

She was lost in general. Her story had changed so many times from hating Dragon to wanting nothing to do with Luffy. She’d said Dragon had hardly noticed she was pregnant but then admitted to Dragon’s own over protective nature. The poor girl was all mixed up.

“It was a hard day. I can’t imagine what you were feeling.”

“He took my baby!” Crocodile snapped, breathing hard. “But...But i... he was right. I was out of control. I didn’t deserve him. Dragon took Luffy and i couldn’t stand to look at him. Either of them.” 

“Oh darling. Is that when you came to see me?” 

“Some two or three months later. Yes. I don’t get to go back.” 

I squeezed her closer. “My darling Lady Crocodile. It sounds more like a horrid combination of post traumatic stress disorder and postpartum depression. Neither of those were your fault. What you went through was just awful. Just awful. It’s twisted your anger into something you can’t release.” 

“I can. I did. I can be a man and not have to think about it.” Her voice was weak from the tears and talking. “Not Dragon. Not Luffy.” 

“But you are, my sweet girl. You recreated the hell you went through in Alabasta. You went after your boy just the way you did Dragon. You haven’t let go of a thing. You’re still in pain.” 

“Stop it, Iva. Just stop it.” She sagged, hugging herself tightly. “I can’t go back in time.” 

I held her close and swore i would have a few carefully chosen words with Dragon over how he handles someone when in a fragile state. “You can not, but you can forgive yourself. I think it’s time.” 

She shook her head back and forth. “No,” 

“I will not tell your son anything, nor do you have to. But it’s time you and Dragon met face to face after all this time. Even after all this time, he’d never looked at anyone the way he looked at you. We will work up to that meeting. First, we work on your mental health.” I kissed the top of her head. “What do you say?” 

“No,” 

“Well shame. It’s already been decided because i will not change you back just yet. It’s time Crocodile. It’s past time. We live. We grow. We change. It is time for you to decide who you will be for the next stretch of your life.” 

Crocodile didn’t respond, but i didn’t expect her too after all the sharing she’d already done today. Still, it was it’s own victory when she didn’t shove away from me. She collapsed into a heap of despondent tears, being soothed by very little. 

We spent the night in that little hotel room, both of us thinking about everything she had revealed to me. I rubbed circles across her back until she’d fallen asleep against my side. It was a secret i would carry for her, for the sake of her mental health. 

Straw Hat Luffy really had no idea what strong parents he was born too, but i wasn’t the least bit surprised to learn that boy was born in the middle of a storm of chaos.

**Author's Note:**

> I am extremely amused by the thought of Iva throwing Crocodile over his shoulder and taking off. The fact that no one paid them any mind was even better.  
> Also...i didn't even attempt Iva's accent....


End file.
